arachnophobia

K

i’ve been scared of spiders since forever
and forever is really just how far back i can remember
which is not that far
essentially
my
brain
is
in
a
jar

 

“it’s like an antidepressant!” here i refer to just one bump
arylcyclohexylamines for everyone! especially me!
i’ll beg & i’ll plead for just one more grain of something crystalline

our favorite thing?
ketamine pee is blood urine
a bleeding dick?
oh, how lovely,
did i mention involuntarily being committed more than a few times around the country?
california fifty-one fucked me – i must be unlucky?
“ghhrrrrn”, the sound of me snorting my brain into a psychiatric ward is funny!

drugs love me/as a writer it was exhilarating forgetting
what
“the”
means!

yes, dissociatives aplenty mixed with amphetamines so i never sleep and miss a moment of
this deliberate, horrifying waking dream that is the reality of casually
breaking my brain with a drug they call
ketamine

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