I’d Like To Be Anesthetized When I Finish This

By Alexander Michael Ziperovich


Where there’s a will there’s a way, I always used to hear them saying

But now my mind and hands are shaking and shaken and my time’s been taken

And for the little dreams we have we can’t help keep from breaking


Little toy houses with white picket fences, a dog a wife a life creation put to rest

Like an old dying dog too sick to walk but we loved him so much we had to stop


I’d sit there staring at the cold ocean, me and that huge beast huddling under dark clouds

Trying to see what, if anything there could be to fix the mess inside of me,

The death of a princess and the death of a king, poisoned then forgotten by everything


The ocean was too big and I was too small and I sat and I stared thinking,

And from a childhood nightmare an image came to me and I saw the real wall


Exhausted dismiss me dismiss you can’t kiss you can’t miss you must keep going on until we both die with a tissue, our hearts out of touch never in unison we just pretend we can’t find how we took something that was ours, so beautiful and stepped on it and crushed it and ruined it because it would be lives lost, dreams untied before we ever saw it again before we died and I might and you might but not exactly that same one, that which we destroyed is that what should have been my son, my daughter, your happiness, my passion, you the muse of my words, me the one that protects you from cracking


Instead, I have to examine things differently and I see what we had as a painfully beautiful lesson, a mystery, never to repeat it with another like we did, but never to say what we had wasn’t shit, never jump off the boat again head first when the water might be lava, but I did that once and I tried to believe I could slaughter a monster


Princess asked, when we die, where do we go? Up to heaven, don’t you already know?


My heart hurts, baby, what do I do, stop Alex, stop Alex, and maybe I’ll stop too


I’ll just hold that one part that was soft with us in bed together and keep it among all the memories and suspended in air feathers so I can know that we never stopped fighting for what was supposed to be forever

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